Building stronger friendships through effective speech and language skills in schools
When I was a child, I looked forward to going to school. Admittedly, the biggest reason for this was that I loved seeing my friends. I loved catching up with them about our favourite TV shows, chatting about the latest fads we were obsessed with and music we couldn’t stop listening to. I was excited to sit next to them in class and had fun working with them during lessons. My friendships meant the world to me. Not only did I feel that I had a group of people who understood me and supported me, they gave me opportunities to learn from their experiences and feel like I was part of something special.
We all seek connections with others, especially those who share our experiences and interests. A strong network of friends can really benefit an individual’s sense of belonging and community, reduce stress, build empathy and give opportunities for imaginative and creative exploration.
Research supports the importance of friendships on mental health – social relationships are associated with happiness and how much a person enjoys and derives satisfaction from friendships is a significant predictor of well-being and life satisfaction (Song et al., 2023). It makes logical sense – where would we be without our friends?
Speech and language and friendships: What is the link?
Good speech and language skills are important for building and maintaining friendships. If a child or young person has the means to express themselves clearly and understand what others are saying, they will be able to connect more easily. Great verbal reasoning skills can help diffuse possible falling-outs. Good verbal recall skills can help a child to remember the details of what other children have told them, making those children feel like they have been truly listened to and understood. Having robust narrative skills, including a good use of vocabulary and sentence structure, can help a child talk about an exciting event, share a spooky story or a funny joke. All of these abilities, and more, can make spending time with that child enjoyable, easy and fun.
The benefits go the other way too. Friendships can support the development of good speech and language skills. Being around others offer opportunities to hear speech sounds and observe spoken language in everyday environments. Children can pick up new words from their friends and learn different ways of putting together sentences. They can also learn how to make their friends laugh, engage and influence them through spoken words. Having friends can boost confidence, which in turn can increase motivation to communicate, meaning more practice of their speech and language skills.
Playground and classroom clues that a child or young person might have speech and language difficulties include:
- A child who isolates themselves from others
- Reluctance to play new games, especially where rules are complicated
- Sticks to tried and tested activities that are more physical
- Often falls out with peers and has difficulties resolving conflicts
- Avoids joining in conversations with others
To find out more about the impact of speech, language and communication needs (SLCN) on friendships and for specific tips to support friendships for those with SLCN, take a look at this blog.
Five practical tips to support friendships from a speech and language therapist
- Identification – It is vital that children with speech, language and communication needs are identified as soon as possible as these needs may be impacting their friendships. Difficulties can be tricky to identify by observation alone, so it is worth carrying out in-school assessments, such as those offered in our Speech Link and Language Link packages
- Structured group tasks – working on tasks together can encourage communication and collaboration, a good foundation for friendships
Here are some ideas:
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- Group story writing
- Building a classroom display
- Creating a class song or dance
- Doing a group puzzle
- Event planning e.g. bake sale, ideas for a school trip
- Teach communication skills to reduce conflicts – Teach and model words that can be used to express their feelings, needs and resolve misunderstandings so that when conflicts arise, children have the tools to help resolve them. Use of “I” statements and polite requests can really help support children to work constructively together. Sentence starters such as “I feel that”, “I agreed with… but…” could be written on the board during group tasks or placed on the desk to support discussions
- Lot of time for pupil talk – This encourages children to learn about one another’s views and opinions. Stepping back and letting the children engage in conversation also allows you to observe any breakdowns and help to resolve these. You can model active listening skills and help to facilitate communication
- Encourage interest-based friendships – Consider what the children’s interests are and encourage friendships by incorporating their interests in topics. Maybe they can do a poll to find out more about one another, this might spark some interesting discussions
Trying to make friends can feel overwhelming, even for us adults. As time has passed, I have found myself moving jobs and relocating around the UK, even living abroad at one point. Life circumstances have changed and continue to change. It can be difficult to start anew time and time again, but I am grateful to have forged meaningful friendships with new acquaintances and colleagues along the way. I still catch up with my friends from school and we reminisce about our favourite TV programmes of the past, joke about our favourite band’s terrible haircuts and the random silly conversations that we had. We talk to each other for hours on end, listening to one another’s stories and telling our own.
Friendships are such a vital part of life. They make us who we are and influence how we feel about ourselves. Strengthening children’s speech and language skills gives them the tools to build close, lasting friendships, and the confidence to keep doing so, no matter where their future takes them.