Stress, Shame and Sapless Succulents
My garden, which is typically a neglected mess and truly overrun with weeds, got a big overhaul last spring.
A sorry picture of brambles and nettles, overgrown goji berry vines, all straining to get a glimpse of the sun. Waist-high weeds accompanied sad, shrivelled succulents. I had been dreading going outside and I tried desperately not to look at the unkempt mess, to the extent that I would avert my gaze when standing at the kitchen sink to avoid the inevitable feelings of stress and shame.
Friday: ‘Tidy garden day!’ The reminder lit up my phone screen. The day went by. Weeds: 1, Yin: 0.
Then Saturday: I was definitely going to tidy it on Saturday. After binge-watching a new TV series and making dinner for the children. Oh, it got dark earlier than expected. Ah, too late now, I can’t possibly go outside as I don’t want to get ravaged by dangerous garden creatures.
Sunday: I got out of bed… and did it!
Funnily enough, tidying the garden wasn’t so taxing after all. And, as I stripped it back, little lovely surprises were revealed.
Tiny, Tenacious Treasures
I found, underneath the thicket of long wavy grass, tiny rose buds starting to form. Fragile and new.
I continued to watch these tiny rose buds, basking in the sunlight after months of being covered (and I have to admit, I became slightly transfixed with checking on them; it became a bit of an obsession).
As the weeks went by, more and more glorious little buds appeared and striking pink petals started to show, coiled with potential.
And then… the flowers sprung open into bloom. A blanket of brightly coloured tea roses, like a child had loaded up a paintbrush with cerise pink and swept it, with wild abandon, across a dark green canvas.
What’s this got to do with speech and language?
Watching my flowers grow, bloom and reach their potential made me think of my work as a therapist (and life as a parent). This little mantra kept going round my head:
“When we provide the right care and the right environment, they will flourish”
I had given them sunlight, taken away the weeds competing against their success. I watered them and fed them. I’m not sure the staring helped, but still. They were cared for.
They did the rest. With the supports I gave them, they were able to get the nutrients they needed. Not only to survive, but thrive.
And the same goes for our students too. Like the plants in my garden, our students have inherent potential, waiting to be nurtured. We must work hard to let their strengths see the light and support their needs with the knowledge and skills that we have. Importantly, we must believe in them and trust that they have it in themselves to flourish.
Five Top Care Tips for Those Brilliant Budding Brains:
1. Water Regularly: Just as plants need water to grow, children need consistent support to thrive. It comes down to this: help them to work on their goals, regularly enough for the change to stick. Even if your therapy is not as polished as you would like or your capacity is such that working on the targets in the classroom is what you have time for, ensure that the goals are in sight and keep working towards them.
2. Prune Gently: Much like shaping a plant to help it flourish without causing harm, it is important to guide a child when you are working with them. Clear feedback is of great benefit, to be given with honesty, empathy and tact. For example:
- “Great effort, but I can still hear a ‘d’ sound not ‘sss’ – try again.”
- “The man goed fishing. Goed – that doesn’t sound quite right. Can you remember the special word we learnt?”
- “You said gigantic apple! Gigantic! Great describing word, I can picture the gigantic apple!”
If we don’t let them know whether they are heading in the right direction, progress will be much slower.
3. Nourish Well: Feed your pupil’s curiosity and creativity with enriching experiences. Perhaps take a walk around the school grounds if you are teaching outdoor vocabulary. Hook their learning onto their interests; for example, if they love playing with slime, why not include it in your sessions for description activities, following instructions or play at the end for good effort. The more relatable it is, the easier it will be for them to consolidate their learning.
4. Provide Sunshine: Ensure that your students receive plenty of encouragement and positivity, no matter how they communicate, the amount of progress they are making or how they behave. Showing students that they are valued, accepted and liked will help them believe in themselves and encourage growth. Many children with SLCN struggle to develop and maintain a growth mindset, often feeling that they are not ‘good enough’ as they repeatedly make errors when talking and understanding what is said. It is important we make them feel they are good enough. We must show we believe in them and that despite their barriers to communication, we can communicate with them at a deeper level.
5. Step Back: Stepping back is crucial in any nurturing process to help build self-confidence and resilience. It involves recognising the progress made and giving children the space to apply particular skills independently, giving just the right amount of support to make them feel safe, but not over-protected. Just as a gardener steps back to admire the blooms, we too must step back to observe and appreciate the strides our students make, trusting in their ability to grow and thrive with the supports that we have laid.
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With my garden, I felt overwhelmed and averted my gaze from the challenges. However, when I mustered the courage to step in, I was rewarded with transformation. Our students, like my tiny rose buds, are coiled with potential. With patience, care, and the right support, we can help them to blossom.