Do you know a child who doesn’t talk at school but speaks freely at home? Or maybe they talk to friends but not to adults at school?
Selective mutism (SM, also known as situational mutism) is an anxiety based condition where a child can speak in some situations but not others. Most commonly, they speak freely at home with parents and siblings but are unable to do so in school, with strangers or with extended family members.
Each child with SM is unique. Some are completely non-verbal at school, some may be able to speak to a friend in private, while others may talk openly to peers but are unable to speak to adults.
There is also a distinction between high-profile and low-profile SM. High profile SM is a consistent inability to speak in certain situations. Low-profile SM is when the fear of disapproval from others is greater than the fear of talking. These children may slip under the radar because they may answer the register or give brief responses to teachers, but these situations are still extremely hard; they push themselves to respond as that is the expectation. These children are unable to speak freely but will muster up the courage to say the bare minimum to get by.
SM is a complex condition as it often affects more than talking. Children may also struggle with physical activities like PE and drama, eating in front of others or using the school toilet (I have known many children with SM to hold all day and be desperate to go to the toilet when they get home). As an anxiety condition, children may be impacted by SM in a multitude of ways, making each child’s experience different.
SM is a safeguarding concern as children are usually unable to ask for help. One parent shared how her child choked on a pear but was unable to alert anyone—luckily, a TA noticed her quiet distress. These children aren’t choosing to remain silent; they experience extreme anxiety that makes speaking feel impossible. It’s akin to severe stage fright in daily situations—a ‘freeze’ response. Understanding that SM is not stubbornness, rudeness or shyness is crucial in providing support.
Children with SM are often compliant and well-behaved, which can lead to their needs being overlooked. However, it’s crucial to take SM seriously. If a child is left to ‘outgrow’ SM, it can persist into adulthood, leading to further mental health challenges, difficulties in friendships, relationships, job interviews, and employment. If untreated, SM can have a lifelong impact.
The good news? With the right support, children with SM can gain confidence and expand their ability to communicate.
How schools can help
Teachers and school staff play a vital role in supporting children with SM. Ideally, all staff working with these children should receive SM training and where possible a trained SM professional (typically a speech and language therapist, although this could be a CAMHS specialist or educational psychologist, for example).
Creating a supportive environment
• Avoid putting children on the spot or pressuring them to speak
• Allow non-verbal communication, such as nodding, pointing, or writing to allow participation without pressure
• For class activities provide nonverbal options for all pupils, so the child with SM isn’t singled out
• Pair the child with a patient, compassionate buddy to help them feel more comfortable and possibly act as a communication bridge
• Some people, including autistic individuals, may be unable to speak due to stressors in their environment, such as sensory overwhelm. For this reason, identifying and reducing sources of stress is paramount
• For older children, asking them what would help them to feel more comfortable is important. This could be done in non-verbal ways or via a parent if this would be easier for them
Supporting gradual progress
Having a trusted school-based adult that the child can build rapport with is key
• Start with small, manageable steps, that are achievable for the child
• The “sliding in technique” where a familiar person (usually a parent) plays with the child in a private room at school before slowly introducing others is an effective strategy for many children. This must be conducted correctly for it to be effective; room changes or staff entering the room can disrupt progress. Ideally, an SM trained professional would provide guidance
• Encourage peer support: the way classmates interact with a child with SM can make a huge difference. Encourage peers to not pressure the child or show any reaction should the child speak. My book ‘Why doesn’t Alice talk at school?’* can help peers understand SM
The role of families:
Collaboration between schools and families is essential for effective support. Parents and caregivers can help by:
• Sharing insights on what strategies work at home and what situations cause the most anxiety for their child
• Supporting interventions like the sliding-in technique
• Using video or audio recordings— some children are able to record themselves speaking at home and gradually share these in school Supporting a child with SM requires patience, understanding, and teamwork. By creating a low pressure environment, encouraging gradual exposure, promoting peer support, and working with families, schools can help these children feel safe and confident. With the right strategies in place, children with SM can develop the confidence to communicate and thrive