Issue 30, Page 14: Ask a therapist

Q: I’m feeling judged by a family who say they know more than me about speech and language. What should I do?

A:

We have all been there. Working with families can be a pleasurable experience when they are on board and recognise the efforts and time you are giving to support their child. It can be challenging however, when a parent is keen to share their knowledge and tell you what you should be doing. So how do you handle this situation?

Deep breath!

Firstly, just pause for a moment! It is so easy to feel judged, and to take this as a criticism of what you have been doing, to reflect on your knowledge and to conclude that you are doing something wrong. A parent who is keen to share their knowledge is telling you something else though, about how they are feeling, and if you can move beyond the personal hurt, you might just reach a place of understanding.

Think about their intention

Parents are experts in their own children and *in most cases, they want what is best for their child. Sometimes, they may have specialist knowledge and skills in a particular area, and that can be heard and considered. Working with a child in school provides a different insight into the child’s life. This is valid and it is only fair that a parent hears what you have noticed – after all, we operate very differently, in different places. Giving an allotted time to listen to their concerns and thoughts may go a long way to establishing a healthy and progressive partnership. What do they know, that will help you in your role?

Think about a common goal

It is always a good idea to start the conversation with something that binds you: “We all want to support Jamie in the best way we can, and we all have different skills to achieve that, let’s talk about our observations, and make a plan.”

Trust your skills

You have training and experience in working with children. You are likely to have built a great rapport with the child and know what you need to do to support them in school. Parents can often express frustration when their child would benefit from extra support. They want the best for them. Show them that you do too, but that you can only work within the bounds of the role to which you have been assigned. The difficulty getting an EHCP, the lack of supporting professional time or processes that are slowing down a diagnosis are unlikely to be your responsibilities. Clarify what you can do to help, whilst making it clear where your role begins and ends.

There’s always room for growth

It is not a contradiction to be confident in your skills, but keen to learn and understand more, or try things a different way. This openness to learning is what makes a good practitioner a great one.

Takeaway points

• Try not to take it personally
• Listen carefully
• Clarify your role and
  responsibilities
• Make a plan together

*If you suspect that a parent is not working in the best interests of their child, be sure to discuss your observations with your safeguarding lead.