This is a very personally relevant blog, as my baby child will be going to school in September. They are typically developing (as far as I know) and, apart from being late to walk, have hit major milestones at appropriate times. Yet I still had a stab of worry when nursery and school mentioned readiness.
There’s a lot of talk about school readiness currently, with worrying anecdotes circulating about children who don’t have the range of skills to manage in the classroom. (Note that different parts of the UK have different curriculum expectations; for example, in Wales and Scotland, learning through play is protected to a much later age than in England.)
All children will have a range of abilities, with some developing differently from the majority of their peers. Professionally, I have always encouraged parents and children to think about long-term goals and aspirations and then work back to what small steps they can take now to get to where they want to be. (More personally, my husband loves the advice of ‘help your child become an adult you’d enjoy having lunch with’.) Difficulties in the present can feel insurmountable, but looking forward and seeing where you are heading can help. Remember that help is out there for particular issues: health visitors can often direct you to services until children reach school; or your local NHS speech therapy, occupational therapy or physiotherapy service may have advice and suggestions online.
At our parents’ morning in school, we were given a reassuringly short list of things they would like the children to be able to do like washing their own hands, getting dressed, and sharing toys (still working on that last one here…). There were a few language-based ones on there too, like counting to 10, talking about familiar activities, and recognising their own name. If you’re worried about any of these, try and build them into play. For example, write their name in chalk on the wall and see if they can wash it off using a water sprayer. You could try writing single letters around it and they can clean off any that match the letters in their name. Or if they struggle to talk about what they’ve been doing, talk about something you’ve done together while you draw a couple of simple stick figures to help support their own knowledge and memory. You could even show it to a friend or relative later, describing the activity simply, and see if the child adds comments.
Compared to when I was wee, I suspect that a lot more children are in childcare settings, for at least part of the week. Both my husband and I work, and until recently, all 4 grandparents also worked so couldn’t help with childcare. (They also live miles away, which is probably the bigger factor!) I have asked nursery if they have any concerns about my child that I may not see at home, or if there’s anything I should keep an eye on. Thanks to my job, I have a decent idea about where their language should be, but I’m far less confident about other things, for example how their fine motor skills are developing. It’s so easy to just compare to friends’ children, but they all have different interests and strengths.
Another thing we have done is talk positively about school. We have tried to avoid saying things like ‘when you go to school, you won’t be able to…’ or ‘big children who are in school don’t behave like a baby’. This avoids setting school up as somewhere to be feared or be apprehensive about. We also hope that by avoiding this kind of language, we are not setting up comparisons to other children. There will be children in school who will struggle with toileting throughout, as well as children who communicate differently, maybe not always with spoken words. We have talked a lot about how some people’s brains or bodies work differently, and that’s OK.
Some children will need more support around transitions than others. Speak to school if you think your child may need additional visits or information. I have a friend who has made one sheet of paper with a photo of the school and a picture of the uniform that they keep by their calendar, so their child can go and look at it if they are feeling worried. As well as visiting the actual school we are going to, we have read books about starting school. I personally recommend Five Minute Mum: Starting School by Daisy Upton. It’s a friendly book, designed to be read with your child, and talks about more modern concepts other than books, like non-uniform days, after-school clubs, whiteboards, and circle time.
Talk through problems that might arise and give your child some possible solutions. For example, what could they do if they see someone who is sad, or if they get lost. You can role-play these with toys, taking turns to be the one with the problem. In our house, it turns out that Gromit can think of better ideas than the Dalek! Some children may like the idea of a small card they can pop in their pocket, with a few faces or pictures on, that they can show to an adult if they are too overwhelmed to talk. For a more in-depth look at preparing your child emotionally, as well as some practical tips and timings, I really liked Lucy Murray’s Happy Heart, Smooth Start (available from her website at https://oliveandpip.co.uk/products/happy-heart-smooth-start).
My wee one has been at nursery for over three years now and my biggest problem is finding where the transition plans for parents are. I am sure they will have fun at school, and soon be lecturing me on what they’ve learned in history, science and music – but where’s my baby gone?